gunning down reality

gequalt @ 2004-04-24T11:29:00

2004-04-24T15:44:01Z

I am fucking PISSED.

I HATE having to do things against my will. I HATE having to take care of children. I HATE it when my relatives impose themselves on me and mine just because they feel like they're entitled to. And I REALLY FUCKING HATE HAVING MY WEEKEND TAKEN AWAY FROM ME SO I CAN GO BABYSIT MY FUCKING HYPERACTIVE COUSINS UNTIL TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

You know, when I yell, I am really, really, fucking angry. And "Oh well, they have high-speed internet" isn't a very good consolation when I'm angry. $50 is not a reward for ten hours of babysitting. It's not even minimum wage. If they live an HOUR AWAY from me, I don't see why they can't find someone a little closer, a little more convenient, and a little less bloody-minded toward children to BABYSIT FOR THEM.

I fucking HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME. When people agree for me and tell others that I'll do whatever they want - and to think that I wasn't even their fucking first choice, it was just, "Well, Sam has a school function on Sunday so she can't go; let's pick Stephanie instead because she's the only older one." Insult and injury DO NOT A HAPPY RELATIVE MAKE. I don't CARE that I get to bring whatever shit I want to. I don't CARE that I've roped Sam into coming with me. I don't fucking CARE because the one thing that I've always avoided doing is BABYSITTING. You would think that, having lived with me for sixteen years, my parents would have REALIZED THIS and maybe come to the BRILLIANT FUCKING CONCLUSION THAT I DON'T WANT TO BABYSIT, EVEN FOR FUCKING RELATIVES.

gequalt @ 2004-04-20T22:46:00

2004-04-21T03:06:14Z

Untitled - by pogrebin. Future, AU. The Muggles have turned the tables on the wizarding world.

Today was such a strange day. School, report card - lovely grades, for once - Amphora's, Best Buy. Bought a thing for Sam. Felt, y'know, giving or whatever. (Whoa, that was Valley Girl.) Generous. It made me feel good - like I was a decent person, for getting her something without any precedent.

Hell, I even gave off getting my CD because of that. ~~But that wasn't really selfless because I didn't want to spend quite so much on CDs and DVDs at once. Ahem.~~ So generous.

And then I came home, and now I'm chatting. And I feel good about it, actually. Because I feel witty and amusing and, well, accepted. I like that.

I do make a good Remus, don't I.

Or I should.

I am so HP-obsessed. Le sigh. Wonder what next year's obsession will be.

gequalt @ 2004-04-16T16:05:00

2004-04-16T20:13:57Z

Stealing Harry - WIP, but wtf it's so amazing despite that. <3. AU, Sirius never got to Wormtail, and he and Remus have taken Harry in instead.

gequalt @ 2004-04-15T16:31:00

2004-04-15T20:42:22Z

Redeeming Time by miraminx - Marauders-era James, post-Prank. <3.

gequalt @ 2004-03-12T21:17:00

2004-03-13T02:22:18Z

wgjdsa;ds.

Jennifer has an eLJay. Oh em gee double-you tee eff. That's.. surprising.

Though in retrospect, it shouldn't be, since LJ got rid of the code thing. Hm. I just never really pegged her as a journaling type. Yeah, I'm stereotyped about who can write in journals and who can't. Yar frickety. I generalize. Take that, sociology class.

I figure I'll go for the bass part. Just for kicks. What's the worst that could happen? ~~Don't answer that.~~

friday five!

2004-03-12T12:57:07Z

1. What was the last song you heard?
Listening to 'Changes', by 3 Doors Down. Rightnow.

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Passion of the Christ in theaters, and.. uh.. I don't know. Forrest Gump. Damn.

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
Pair of jeans from the Gap, new bass book, and a crate of yogurt (but this was vicariously through my mom and Sam). I'm a sad person. I lead a sad shopping existence.

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Sleep; practice bass; look up how to make an electroscope; watch Desperado and El Mariachi.

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Julia, Sadaf, Syeda, Dave, Joe. (Excluding family.) Don't talk a whole lot.

gequalt @ 2004-03-12T07:49:00

2004-03-12T12:53:51Z

Headline on MSN:
It's a boy for Colin Farrell

The first thing I thought: OMGWTFHE'SGAY!

It didn't kick in until a minute or three later that they were talking about a baby, weren't they. I refuse to look. My dreams are so sad.

gequalt @ 2004-03-12T07:45:00

2004-03-12T12:50:25Z

Is it wrong that I'm somewhat terrified of the national latin exam?

I don't want to be found out as the quasi Latin-fraud that I am. I hardly know passive voice. My translation skills are like shit. This is bad.

said to lie on the bed that you make / now i'm restless and i'm running from everything

Haiku:
Can't think of the words;
They escape me, fleet with glee
I cry, fear and loss.

I will come home this afternoon and do.. nifty productive things. Bass practice. Clean my room (which I've finally moved back into since I'm getting hives from sleeping on the floor upstairs). Look up factual questions for my story-to-be, including:

-How far can a horse travel in a day, going at, say, a steady canter?
-How far removed would a recessive allele have to be before it technically couldn't create the recessive genome or phenome in the offspring?
-How much would inbreeding affect that?

I kind of like the basement now. This chair is nifty-cool, the ottoman is a very nice prop for my speakers, and the couch - while it is the colour of a Cheez-It - is quite fun to curl up on. I plan on sleeping on it sometime this weekend just to see if I can.

gequalt @ 2004-03-11T17:03:00

2004-03-11T22:07:48Z

My diagramming attempts for The Mofo Story That Refuses to Be Written is not going well. Julia thought it was a map of Suburbanite City. I have lines that actually transverse all the way to the back of the page. Many sections are blank. It is not good. I feel the need to reorganize but I don't want to erase anything because I have attachment issues to little things I've written like that.

I was also inexplicably reminded, in physics today, of bio class two years ago with Mike (Jones? Smith? Formerly Scepanzki, I know.) jumping up on top of Hundley's desk to try and eat the donut hanging there.

Fuck. Parents want me to work again.

gequalt @ 2004-03-11T07:11:00

2004-03-11T12:16:28Z

Haiku:
Quasi-guilt lingers;
Haven't posted for so long.
Will start again soon.

gequalt @ 2004-03-09T21:31:00

2004-03-10T02:36:18Z

Tower of Air - Albus and his memories.

gequalt @ 2004-03-09T07:13:00

2004-03-09T12:19:56Z

And just in case we're not sick of fic recs yet:

Inferno - mostly-plausible Hermione/Lucius, to my surprise. NC-17. I <3 the Lucius.

gequalt @ 2004-03-08T21:29:00

2004-03-09T02:35:38Z

A Fracture of the Mind's Eye - Harry. Post-war psychosis. What more could I ask for?

gequalt @ 2004-03-07T21:14:00

2004-03-08T02:20:34Z

This paper is going much more slowly than I thought it would.

At this rate, it won't even end up being three pages. Which would be a pity, as I have to fill eight.

gequalt @ 2004-03-07T19:19:00

2004-03-08T00:25:32Z

Dictionary.com WOTD: vagary
Mr. O'Connor's first heart attack was a vagary of mass proportion -- I didn't believe Hugh when he told me -- but after the second, and the third, and the fourth.. it's all beginning to get a bit repetitive.

Haiku:
Today, idyllic;
English paper's siren song
I don't want to hear.

friday five!

2004-03-06T02:22:25Z

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
There were two; Ms. O'Neal, for my first semester in Maryland, and Ms. Perrini here.

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
I've never been much of a cartoon-girl, but I'd have to say the longest stretch I went at watching Saturday morning TV was a two-month kick off X-Men: Evolution, the series. W00t. I was such a sad child.

3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
Ashleigh, I'd imagine. And then Ashley. And then Brittany -- none of them lasted very long, needless to say.

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
Oooh, the breakfast-cereal phases. I went through a half-year subsisting on bran cereal, and then I switched to Life (*makes bad cracks about getting a Life*), and then I did the Chex thing. I don't like breakfast much.

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
Get the frack home and get online, of course.

Dictionary.com WOTD: fait accompli
Deepest apologies to a great deal of Sirius fans out there, but I fear The End of the Black Line to be a fait accompli -- and if JKR brings him back, I'd hate to see what state of decomposition he'd be in. Ew.

Daily ~~pathetic attempt at creativity~~ haiku:
Wait to be confirmed;
Silver serpents beckon, and
I assume triumph.

gequalt @ 2004-03-04T22:49:00

2004-03-05T03:54:59Z

OMGWTFLOLBBQ<3!

BILLY BOYD SINGING BRITNEY SPEARS.

~~And they say American Idol is the new musical thing to watch out for.~~

gequalt @ 2004-03-04T20:01:00

2004-03-05T01:06:57Z

love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain
and feelings of aggression are the absence of the love drug in your veins
love, come quickly
'cause i feel my self-esteem is caving in
it's on the brink
love, come quickly
'cause i don't think i can keep this monster in
it's in my skin

love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine
cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
love, i beg you
lift me up into that privileged point of view
that world of two
love, don't leave me
'cause i console mysel that hallmark cards are true
i really do

i'm gunning down romance
it never did a thing for me
but heartache and misery
ain't nothing but a tragedy
i'm gunning down romance
it never did a thing for me
but heartache and misery
ain't nothing but a tragedy

love, don't leave me

take these broken wings
i'm gonna take these wings
and learn to fly
and learn to fly away

THANK YOU, ARLINGTON. And anthropologists. Honestly, doesn't Bush have better things to think about than banning gay marriage?

That is my daily attempt to be not-completely-flaming-raging at Bush. [/niceness]

latin. Got a piece of candy and was named the queen of the class for having the consistent highest average. Gloated appropriately. Am well on my way to developing an ego the size of Montana. Go me! --in other news, I really need to start studying for the national latin exam. It's next Friday, and I really want to get a medal. Twee. ~~And O'Connor would be so proud. Twee.~~.

titan time. Went to ccc instead be lectured on the importance of applying early, visiting colleges, and otherwise repeating stuff that has been going in one ear and back out through my eyeballs for the last three years. Got it, thanks. Went back to TT, wrote up my history essays, sat around and looked bored. Not much difference there, really.

english. Red Badge of Courage essay: 100. Outline: 100. Shingler needling Jennifer about Tracy's, uh, package: priceless. ~~BRICK.~~ English is too easy. We read through a bunch of sample essays from the '99 SOL writing prompt ('If I could have any gift, it would be...' and why, summat' like that.) I swear, I nearly pissed myself laughing. 'I would like a car for a gift. It would be a color gray car because the color gray is my favorite.' 'I would like a ferret because my aunt brought over her too ferrets once and I fell in love with them and my kitten was hit by a car.' TWEE. Highlight. Shingler's comments on my papers have been getting a little more personalized, or maybe she's been taking notes off Hallmark cards: 'A breath of fresh air. Thank you.'

apush. We get to watch Rasputin's biography next Friday! Takes precedence over Latin pizza party any day. Evil bisexual hedonist monks, w00t!

Dictionary.com WOTD: bowdlerize
If JKR publicly announced that Remus and Sirius are, along with being wizards, evil creatures, and reputed criminals, a real gay couple in her books, would Loudoun's extremely-conservative school board bowdlerize the Harry Potter series from school libraries?

Haiku:
bass and drums, heady
music trilling in my blood.
dance-itch in my feet.

Reccage:

2004-03-04T03:59:21Z

Blind, Deaf, and Dumb - Snape/Filch

The Semantics of Statues - Draco.

gequalt @ 2004-03-02T21:01:00

2004-03-03T02:06:45Z

I feel freakin' good.

I don't know why, but I do.

Maybe it's the medication. W00t.

gequalt @ 2004-03-01T22:35:00

2004-03-02T03:40:43Z

And before I forget: more HP!reccage! (I need to remember to do this.)

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silent.

gequalt @ 2004-03-01T22:34:00

2004-03-02T03:39:37Z

Also: is it possible to be underweening?

gequalt @ 2004-03-01T22:34:00

2004-03-02T03:39:23Z

Nnnnnfng. I AM MAKING MYSELF WRITE.

Writing. Things. At this point I don't even care if what I write is coherent or not because I've just read over a month's worth of old!LJ entries and omgwtf where did all that neatness come from? I demand copyright. Give it back, brain.

Once again, I have cheated ~~fate~~ ~~school~~ fate. Wore my pseudo-springish national foreign language week (part one) shirt to school, puttered around with my jacket on, and no one noticed anything except the tree which is good because that means tomorrow night, all I have to draw on my national foreign language week (part two) shirt is a tree. Because, apparently, I can do those.

Ah, who the fuck am I kidding. I wore a shirt today with hot pink flowers and fake French on it. My life is worthless.

Stayed up until midnight watching the Oscars. Coherent quote of the evening: "K;ASDK;FDOI;34J;LDFJ! JOHNNY! DEPP! LOOK! KJDSA;SKLD;'F." And I had a brownie. And it was good.

Because my life isn't already boring enough.

pre-calc. I'll pass it this year. I know what we're doing, and I got an extra point and a half (?) for putting up a really really easy thing in class today. y=(x-3)(x-3)-6. I feel accomplished, and I might have a crush on Joe because I'm teenaged and WHY ARE MY HORMONES SO FICKLE i feel so sloppy firsts bitchy right now.

physics. No flying fuck's chance in hell that I'll pass it this quarter. I've slept through half the classes (as in half of each class), we bombed our last lab report, and I haven't done the homework for approximately ~~all year~~ a very long time. Bad. We have a quiz next class. We have homework due. We have a test on Friday. So screwed. V. bad.

french. She gave me an A on my shirt. More specifically, on the tree. (At least I think it was an A. I could be mistaken. I just like to hear vowels.) I am happy. I turned in my homework. I finished most of the new homework. Class is easy and never mind, why the fuck am I even updating on French.

sociology. AHA. Long rambling. Or potentially just short!angry!violent ranting. We had a transplant moral dilemma today -- y'know, who should be 'chosen' as an organ recipient. Wagner changed the scenario -- Jorge V., a 24-year old truck mechanic with three kids (AKA EVERYBODY'S CHOICE except mine and a handful of people who thought that 24 is kind of a young and irresponsible age to have three children), she proposed, was also recently released from jail for the murder of his wife -- murder 2, under mitigating circumstances.

Mona, who was all for him before, immediately shot him down and refused to budge on the issue again. Her reasoning: he took a life, so he should be denied his. She claimed that even if it was her father who'd done that -- under mitigating circumstances, even -- she would want him to die a long, painful death of HAVING NO KIDNEY FUNCTION. And she believes that self-defense is defined only as being 'when your life is being endangered' instead of the legal definition of 'being in fear for your own life'. But what irritates me most is that she won't even consider compromising. If I could seethe publicly, I would have right then just to get up and smack her across the face and return to my seat, seething more. I hate intransigence like that. "True wisdom is less presuming than folly. The wise man doubts often and changes his mind: the fool is obstinate, and doubts not; he knows all things but his own ignorance." Akenaton. That's what I quote in relation to Mona.

As for a quote that I like to think applies to me and a lot of other people:

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats."
-Henry Louis Mencken

There. I think that was long enough for today.

Dammit, I need more icons. I feel so sad. My icon feels all lonely and naked.

gequalt @ 2004-02-27T19:03:00

2004-02-28T00:08:14Z

I also want a drawing of a rabbit with a plunger on its head. Random note of the day.

gequalt @ 2004-02-27T19:00:00

2004-02-28T00:05:03Z

I don't really want to work tomorrow. Not that this matters, as I have to work whether I want to ~~or get paid~~ or not. Very irritated about that, particularly as I have bronchitis and therefore can't talk above a monotone. And whenever I laugh, I get extremely squeaky, and not in the cute way either.

This is most stressful as I haven't been able to talk for about a week, and I'm starting to get a little frustrated. Also, I keep coughing at inopportune moments except when I'm not breathing.

Don't care. Am going to riding on Sunday, whether or not I hack my lungs out and leave them writhing on the floor before then.

I suppose it would behoove me to find my working clothes before 11PM, because at that point the laws of physics dictate that they must spontaneously combust without my knowledge so that I have to whine copiously in the morning about not having any work clothes. Pfft.